How to Eliminate Negative Thoughts & Find Joy Every Day
I did it! I made a New Year’s resolution for 2023. This year my resolution is to eliminate negative thoughts. Not only that, but I chose a word for the year. I’d like to introduce you to my word: JOY.
My resolution and my word for the year are tied together. Thus we find the subject for this post, how to eliminate negative thoughts and find joy every day.
In the past couple of years, I’ve shied away from, and quite honestly, avoided New Year’s resolutions. Why is that? I think it’s because they make me feel like a failure before I even begin. How’s that for a negative thought?
I wonder what percentage of people actually follow through with their New Year’s resolutions. I would venture to say a small percentage if I had to guess.
Resolutions Are Good
That being said, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, right? Without goals to shoot for we might not achieve much. As long as we live on this earth we should be working to learn and to grow and become more like Christ. So this year I am recognizing that resolutions can be good!
I am 100% in for eliminating negative thoughts and finding more joy this year. Honestly, I can already tell a difference in my mindset and it’s only been a few weeks. But how? How do we go about doing that in our everyday lives?
Where do our negative thoughts stem from?
Origin of Negative Thoughts
News
We are inundated every day by the world’s bad news. So we worry. We worry about our world, our families, our health, our finances, and our future. That alone is hard to handle, but even more difficult, I believe, is we have a bird’s eye view of everyone else’s beautiful, perfect, fulfilled lives.
Social Media
Wisdom tells us that social media only shows the good. In our minds, we acknowledge that people on social media don’t have perfect lives. Unfortunately, sometimes our hearts can’t handle only seeing the best parts of their lives. In reality, only viewing their best lives makes one feel like their life isn’t enough.
We get to see the fun they are having, the popularity they are achieving, the money they are making, the money they are spending, the vacations they are going on, the homes they are living in, and the list goes on and on.
This could bring about feelings of failure because the reality is most of us live plain, old, ordinary boring lives. Am I right? How do we not get down on ourselves and let those negative thoughts inundate our minds?
Why aren’t I prettier? How come I didn’t marry someone like that guy? Why didn’t I think of that idea? I don’t like my house. It is small and mediocre? Why doesn’t my body look like that? It’s no wonder our minds and days are filled with negative thinking.
Negative Thoughts & Talk
Not only that but then we allow the negative talk about ourselves to start. Our negative thoughts take on a voice and we start to vocalize those thoughts. Our husbands, children, and friends are listening and they hear these negative thoughts. That is no bueno!!
Did you know that 80% of our thoughts in a day are negative? I was shocked and in disbelieve when I heard that number. “There is no way” were my exact thoughts…lol. But am I really that shocked?
I think most people would say I’m a positive person. However, while you might not hear it from my mouth, I have realized lately I can allow negativity to take up space in my brain. Things like self-doubt, worry, disappointment, fear, etc. Sound familiar?
What about you? Do you have negative thoughts? Are they on repeat? Perhaps the 80% of negative thoughts aren’t all different thoughts, but the same negative thoughts on repeat and they are monopolizing your mind.
Sample Negative Thoughts
Let’s talk about those negative thoughts. I’ve created a list of negative thoughts that women think. Does it sound familiar?
- I didn’t do enough today.
- I could have been a better wife and mom today.
- I was not fun today.
- I’m so afraid something bad will happen to one of my children.
- I hate my body.
- Why don’t I get invited to parties?
- I put my foot in my mouth today.
- I spoke too much…why didn’t I listen more?
- I didn’t get my list done today.
- I need to exercise more.
- I need to eat healthier.
- I need to read my bible more and pray.
- I am a terrible daughter.
- Why does my child have problems?
- Why can’t my marriage be like theirs?
And the list goes on and on. Sadly, not only do we have those negative thoughts but we replay them in our minds over and over again. I read a study that said women have an average of 38 negative thoughts a day about their bodies. YIKES!
I mean really! Why do we do that to ourselves?
Acknowledge Your Humanity
First, it’s important to understand and acknowledge that you are human. I know that seems somewhat like a trite answer but it’s true. You are only human.
God does not have expectations of perfection from you because he knows you aren’t capable of it. Remember, you are loved in spite of those imperfections. God is incredibly gracious and gentle regardless of your failures and shortcomings.
Steps to Eliminate Negative Thoughts
Okay, so you have acknowledged that you are only human and you will mess up and fail. Where do you go from there?
Be On The Lookout & Acknowledge Negative Thoughts
It’s time to look for those thoughts and acknowledge them as negative thoughts. As soon as I started looking for the negative thoughts I was able to recognize them. Finding them and acknowledging them is a huge first step.
Being aware of negative thoughts is imperative. And not only being aware but being on the lookout for them. It’s important to recognize it and catch those thoughts in the act.
When I first heard the statistic that 80% of our thoughts are negative, I didn’t believe it. So I started to pay attention and take notice of my own thoughts.
I am sad to say I had more than I realized. Those negative thoughts/negative self-talk are doing no one any good, especially me and especially you.
I am a fixer and I want to make everyone and everything okay. I am also a little bit of a perfectionist. I’m not your all-out Type A perfectionist at all, but I do have perfectionistic qualities in me.
I put high expectations on myself and when I fall short I am hard on myself. That being said, I have learned to give myself grace and recognize that no one expects me to be Superwoman except me.
This past year I read a really good book called Don’t Give The Enemy a Seat At Your Table by Louie Giglio. His tagline on the book is this, “It’s time to win the battle of your mind”. That, my friends, is exactly what we are going to do with our negative thoughts.
Write the Negative Thoughts Down
Write your negative thoughts down! Take a piece of paper and actually write it out. Don’t skip this! Writing out your thoughts gives you a visual of what you are letting live in your mind. Once you see them they will hit you like a ton of bricks.
Take Control of Those Negative Thoughts
Now it’s time to take control of them and redirect them. This takes practice and intentionality. What if you take that paper you just wrote all your negative thoughts on, crinkle it up in a ball, and throw it in the garbage?! This visual will remind you that you are taking control. And now we intentionally redirect. So how do you do that? Keep reading!
Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones
Now it’s time to dig your way out of those negative thoughts. First, replace them with positive thoughts. For example, negative thought: “I didn’t get my list done today. I’m a failure.” Positive thought: I did the best I could today. I will make my list a little more manageable tomorrow. Thank you for what I did get done today and that I had a new day to do it.”
Or how about this one: “I’m so afraid something bad will happen to one of my children.” Positive thought: God’s got this. He loves my children more than I do. “He who began a good work in them will be faithful to complete it” Phil. 1:6
Again, this takes practice, but I know you can do it! I believe in you!
Speak Positive Thoughts Out Loud
Such a different perspective, right?!! Don’t stop there. Speak those positive thoughts out loud to yourself in the second person. I read about this in a book called High-Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard. It honestly was not a new practice to me.
I speak out loud to myself in the second person often. They are both negative and positive thoughts but I am working on just speaking the positive ones. Actually, I am home most days by myself so I speak out loud to myself often 😛
It is amazing to me the impact practicing this can have on my mental state as I move throughout my day. Try it. It really does work. Give yourself a pep talk! Just be careful who is around to hear you! 😘
Practice Gratitude & Thankfulness
Next up is practicing gratitude and thankfulness. For most of us, we don’t take the energy in our day to practice gratitude. We are busy and our days go by fast.
I want to challenge you to start with just a few minutes a day of gratitude. There is an acronym I love to remember when I pray. ACTS. Adoration. Confession. Thanksgiving. Supplication.
The two that stand out to me in regard to our topic at hand are adoration and thanksgiving. Take time each day to give adoration to God. Adoration is praising God for Who He is. Whereas Thanksgiving is thanking God for what He’s done.
Adoration and thankfulness are great ways to start your day. Interestingly, we are not just to be thankful for the good. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says this, “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
So even in the difficulties and trials in our lives, giving thanks through it all can change our perspective.
Instill God’s Word
This brings me to my final step. Instill in your heart God’s word. Memorize verses that remind you of who you are, who God is, and who He created you to be. See verses below. Rehearse those in your mind on repeat.
If memory isn’t something that comes naturally to you, like me, make a list on your notes page on your phone. When you feel discouraged or filled with negative thoughts pull that baby out and speak them out loud.
Find the Joy
So now let’s dig into joy. After rehearsing in our minds and out loud who God says we are, it should naturally turn us into a more joyful place. Remember my word for the year? Joy.
I absolutely love this quote by Abraham Lincoln.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. There is some simple truth in this.
“Joy plays a huge part in what makes high performers successful.” Brendan Burchard writes in High-Performance Habits, “People with more positive emotion have more satisfying marriages, make more money, and have better health.” In other words, people with joy are more successful in life.
Joy gives you energy. Joy is a choice. True joy comes from within. Joy is not just being happy.
Bring the Joy Reminder
Brendan Burchard sets a reminder on his phone to pop up a few times a day. It reads like this “Bring the Joy” No matter where he is in his day he is reminded to bring the joy. I love this! Shouldn’t we all set reminders like this???
Surround Yourself with Things That Bring You Joy
Another thing you can do is surround yourself with and do things that bring you joy. For me, I love flowers in my home. They bring me joy. I have a willow tree in my backyard that brings me joy. Coffee brings me joy. Family and friends bring me joy.
Baking sourdough bread brings me joy. See my post For the Love of Sourdough: The What, How, and Why, sitting by a fire brings me joy. Singing and listening to worship music brings me joy.
What brings you joy? Take a moment and consider that. Do you partake in those things or surround yourself with them regularly? If not, then take the time to be intentional about surrounding yourself with those things.
Limit time with people who don’t bring you joy. We all have people we have to be around that are joy killers in our lives. We can do a couple of things. First, limit the time you spend with them.
Two, if you can’t limit that time then don’t let them get to you. Kill them with kindness. Let joy win. Dig deep and grab ahold of the reasons you have to be joyful.
True Joy Comes From God
The main source of my joy is my relationship with Jesus. His faithfulness, love, creation, grace, forgiveness, and so much more are what keep me joyful. He alone provides me with salvation and hope and a future. This is the only way to find true joy.
God’s Promises
Psalm 62:2
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 brings us this promise.
Knowing that the one true God loves me and has a plan for me gives me hope which in turn gives me deep joy.
When you get down on yourself and think negative thoughts about your body remember these verses in Psalm 139:14.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
God created you and he doesn’t make mistakes. Remember that saying? God Don’t Make No Junk!
Psalm 46:1-3
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. “
Another one of my favorites to grab when I am feeling down and have negative thoughts is Philippians 1:6.
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.“
Memorize these verses and grab ahold of them when those negative thoughts and self-talk start to rear their ugly heads.
And then speak out loud to yourself and let the Holy Spirit wash over you like a breath of fresh air.
Lastly, remember this from Philippians 4:8.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” When doing this you can’t help but find the joy.
In Summary
- Be on the lookout and acknowledge negative thoughts.
- Write them down.
- Take control of your thoughts and redirect them.
- Replace them with positive thoughts.
- Speak those positive thoughts out loud to yourself in the second person.
- Practice gratitude and thankfulness.
- Memorizing bible verses.
So there you have it. It’s time to eliminate negative thoughts and find more joy every day! You can do it, sweet mama. If you are stuck in a pattern of negative thoughts let’s get unstuck with a few simple steps.
Remember, little ears and big ears are listening and watching your every move. Exude joy, speak positive thoughts out loud, and fill your minds and your home with God’s word. Your family will see it and want what you have!
Much Love~Kim💗
