Giving Your Child Roots and Wings
One of my favorite quotes says, “There are two things we give our children: one is roots, the other is wings.”
A few years ago, we were walking through a vintage market and I saw a sign with this saying. It was soon after our youngest daughter got engaged, and it hit me so hard.
Give roots and wings. It’s simple, yet so powerful. In just a few words, it captures the heart of motherhood—the beautiful tension between holding on and letting go. I knew I had to buy it. It hangs today as a reminder of a whisper to me from God.
Many moms struggle to let go of their babies, and you are not alone. You give so much of your heart to motherhood, and in what seems like an instant, they are leaving the nest.
Along with that come these diabolically opposing emotions that span from being so proud you can’t stand it to a deep sadness that guts you in an instant and makes your heart physically hurt.
Bittersweet is the only way to describe it.
Roots First
As moms, we spend so much of our early parenting years focused on the “roots.” We build routines, create a safe home, teach values, model love, and point our children toward God.
In other words, we live intentionally. What does it mean for a mom to live with intention?
It starts with a clear vision—imagining the kind of person you hope your child will grow up to be—and then making daily choices that move you toward that goal. It’s no longer about just getting through the day. It’s about parenting on purpose.
In my Intentional Motherhood & Home course, I dig deep into “going from winging it to crushing it”. Many moms today are winging it. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to wing it.
Motherhood is not about winging it. It’s about making a plan, setting goals, and doing everything you can to reach that goal. If you are winging it right now, what if you went from winging it to crushing it?
Intentional motherhood is the purposeful, thoughtful, and values-driven approach to parenting. It means actively guiding your children with clarity and conviction rather than simply reacting to life as it comes. As an intentional mom, you:
- Lead with your faith and values (A Biblical worldview)
- Make mindful choices about how you spend time, discipline, and nurture
- Build strong, connected relationships with your children
- Parent with the future in mind, while being fully present in the day-to-day
It’s about showing up consistently, not perfectly—raising your kids on purpose, with purpose.
“A goal without a plan is just a dream.”
When you begin living with intentionality, it doesn’t just transform your child’s life—it changes yours too.
These roots give our kids a sense of security, identity, and belonging. Roots are what remind them of who they are and where they come from, even when life takes them far from home.
Here are a few blog posts that may help with establishing roots:
10 Powerful Ways to Strengthen Parent Child Relationships
Family Mealtime: 7 Benefits of Gathering Together
Intentional Motherhood: How Every Mom Can Impact Her Family
Roots say:
• You are loved.
• You are safe.
• You belong here.
And even as our kids grow older, those roots stay with them. They show up in the way they treat their spouse, the way they walk with God, the way they love and parent their children, and the way they stay connected to you through phone calls in the car on their way to work, FaceTime, and visits.
Then Come the Wings
There are two gifts, and roots are only half the gift. The other half? Wings. This is the stage of life I now find myself in and have focused on over the past few years, as all of our children have married and moved away.
Wings come when we release our children into the world—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Wings allow them to step into God’s unique calling for their lives, make their own decisions, and experience their victories and lessons.
Wings say:
• I trust you.
• I believe in you.
• You’ve got this—and God’s got you.
And as much as we might want to hold on, our children were never meant to stay nestled in the safety of our home forever. They were meant to grow, to go, and to glorify God with their lives.
Our job is not to clip their wings, but to strengthen them with encouragement, prayer, support, and unconditional love, even if that means holding our tongue.
Letting Go-Roots AND Wings
Letting go doesn’t mean we stop mothering. It just means we do it differently. Remember, it is roots AND wings. Now we give them wings.
It’s learning to love from a distance.
It’s offering support without control.
It’s trusting God more than we trust our own plans.
And honestly? It can be hard–really hard. But it’s also where a deep, lasting connection is born—not from grasping tightly, but from walking in faith and choosing to love without strings attached.
I’ve had to learn this the hard way. When your children leave the nest, they need to find their independence. You’ve done all you can, and now they must find their way without you.
You may feel them pulling away; in fact, you start to notice it in their senior year of high school. This is normal and what they need to prepare to leave for college.
In many ways, all of childhood is a gradual journey toward independence. But the reality of that growth becomes especially clear—and deeply felt—as you start to sense your time with them slipping away.
You might notice them beginning to pull away during their college years, which is completely natural. And when they get married, there’s often another wave of separation—a normal part of their journey into adulthood.
These moments are natural milestones in your child’s growth and a sign that you’ve raised a capable, independent adult. But that doesn’t make it any easier. In the moment, they can feel like a deep ache, one that touches the core of your heart. I know this feeling all too well.
Where Are You, Mama?
If you’re in the season where you’re still planting roots, be intentional. What you do now matters more than you know.
If you’re in the season of watching them fly, take heart. You have given them roots, now give them wings.
And if you’re somewhere in between—navigating teenage independence or preparing to launch your child into adulthood—know that God is with you every step of the way. Pray, lean in, and trust God has a plan and a purpose for your child and for you!
You are not alone.
You’re doing holy and important work, Mama.
Let’s keep planting deep roots.
Let’s keep strengthening their wings.
Let’s keep trusting the One who loves them even more than we do.
Final Words of Encouragement About Roots and Wings
When my daughter was in her first year of marriage, she was working full-time, living in a new state, and learning to be a wife AND a pastor’s wife.
This was the same daughter who used to call me almost every day from college, and during her first year of marriage, I may have heard from her once a week.
I was a mess. I missed her deeply. I kept asking if something was wrong or if I had done something to upset her. Although she reassured me, I let my thoughts get the best of me and found myself spiraling.
We’re now two years into her being married, and we’ve settled into a new rhythm. We talk regularly and share a close, meaningful relationship. If I could go back, I would choose to trust God more in that difficult season. I can’t change the past—but I can use it to support and encourage you as you walk through it.
Your children will need time to be independent. Be patient, give them grace, and allow them to soar. You have given them the roots they needed, and now they are flying so well and soaring to new heights.
Lean into God and allow him to comfort you and be your companionship during those times. He is faithful and will meet you in your time of sadness.
We are on the other side, and I am so grateful for the relationships we currently enjoy with each of our children and their spouses.
Is it perfect? No, and it never will be this side of heaven, but is it good? Yes, it is ❤️
Remember what I said above: It’s where a deep, lasting connection is born—not from grasping tightly, but from walking in faith and choosing to love without strings attached.
Don’t forget to check out my course, Intentional Motherhood & Home!
For more like this, subscribe at the top or bottom of this page to join the journey of intentional motherhood & home.
From this mama’s heart to yours,
Kim ❤️
RELATED POSTS:
10 Powerful Ways to Strengthen Parent Child Relationships
