Preparing Today for the Relationship You Want Tomorrow
If you’re reading this and you have young children, it’s probably hard to imagine them as adults.
The days feel full. The needs are constant. And your role as “mom” is so hands-on, so present, so needed in every moment.
But today, I want to gently invite you to do something a little different.
I want you to pause… and look ahead. Take just a few minutes and imagine your children as adults.
We recently took a weekend trip with our kids and grandkids, and one evening after all the babies were tucked into bed, my adult kids pulled out the Switch and started playing together.
I can’t tell you the joy it brought me to sit back and watch—laughing, playing, and simply enjoying one another.
This season of life- adult children- will be here before you know it!
Now, go back to imagining your children as adults. What does your relationship with them look like?
- Do they come home often?
- Do you have a good relationship with them?
- Do they enjoy being with you—not out of obligation, but because they want to?
What will “home” feel like to them?
What do they remember when they think of you?
And maybe the most important question of all…How do you begin building the kind of relationship you imagine NOW?
A Conversation I Won’t Forget
I remember a conversation with a young mama at church who was weeks away from delivering her first baby.
She shared that she had seen a post of mine on Facebook—one with a picture of our family together. Her heart was so open as she asked a question that stopped me in my tracks.
“Is it really possible to have a family that enjoys being together… even when the kids are grown?”
Here is that photo:
She went on to share that neither she nor her husband had experienced that kind of closeness in their own families growing up.
And now, as they prepare to welcome their first baby, they long for something different.
Something deeper. Something lasting.
And I could see it in her eyes—this desire to build something beautiful from the very beginning.
The Answer Is… Yes
Sweet mama, the answer is yes.
It is absolutely possible to raise children who grow into adults who:
- want to come home
- enjoy being with each other
- feel connected to you
But here’s the part we don’t always talk about…That kind of relationship doesn’t just happen later.
It’s built NOW. That is why I am asking you to dig into this with me today 🥰
In the ordinary, everyday moments of motherhood.
What You’re Building Right Now
Right now, in the middle of:
- the snacks and messes
- the bedtime routines
- the discipline and teaching
- the laughter and chaos
You are building something far greater than just getting through the day.
You are building:
- trust
- connection
- safety
- belonging
- identity
You are shaping what “home” will mean to them for the rest of their lives.
I am so thankful that as a young mama, someone taught me this ❤️
Once again, intentionality comes into play.
A Few Things That Matter More Than You Think
You don’t have to do this perfectly. But there are a few things that make a lasting difference.
Connection
But, before correction… before instruction…
Let your children feel your love and focus on connection.
Connection comes from a place of unconditional love.
Unconditional love is loving your child no matter what, not based on
- their behavior,
- their attitude,
- or their choices.
Connection looks like:
- Sitting around the table for meals together.
- Individual focused time with each child…being present without distractions.
- Listening without jumping in immediately-especially important for teens.
- Coffee runs together.
- Taking a walk together.
- Going for a ride in the car WITHOUT phones.
- Playing games together.
- Doing a puzzle together.
- Doing a project or baking together.
- Serving together.
- Praying together.
- Reading God’s word together.
- Supporting and engaging in their interests.
It’s NOT about the activity.
It’s about the message you’re sending—YOU MATTER TO ME… so what matters to you matters to me.
NOT ONLY THAT, connection involves creating a home that feels
- warm
- safe
- loving
The atmosphere of your home matters.
- What your kids see…
- What they feel
- What they hear…
- What they taste
- Even what they smell…
Tapping into your child’s senses creates a sense of belonging and connection in your home. You can learn more about this in my post How to Awaken Your Child’s Senses At Home
When connection is there…your children are much more open to your
- guidance
- authority
- correction
Let’s propel this forward to life with your adult children—Children who feel connected to you during their childhood will want to stay connected later as adults.
This past year, we took a trip to Maine with our daughter, son-in-love, and grandson. It was such a meaningful time together—full of laughter, connection, and memories we’ll hold onto for years to come.
We are seeing the fruits of our labor and intentional effort to build a connection with our children in their younger years.
Building a Sense of Security
Connection, consistency, rhythms, relationships, being present—it all matters.
All of these give your child a sense that you are a safe place for them.
A consistent, loving home becomes a place they will always long to return to.
Speaking Life Into Them
Your words shape how they see themselves.
Do you remember the scene in the book/movie; The Help? (Awesome book if you haven’t read it!) Aibileen repeats these words over and over again to the little girl she cares for: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
She is building identity into that little girl because she knows her mama isn’t doing it for her.
Remind your child of these truths from God’s word.
- You are a child of God. 1 John 3:1 says this: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”
- You are loved. Jeremiah 31:3: “I have loved you with an everlasting love.“
- You are chosen. 1 Peter 2:9: “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession…“
- You were created for a purpose. Ephesians 2:10: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
But also…remind them of the qualities you desire for them
- You are kind
- You are responsible
- You are respectful
- You are a leader
- You are a hard worker
- You are humble
IDENTITY anchors who they are and who they become.
Those words STAY WITH THEM long after they leave your home.
Modeling the Relationship You Hope For
I can never emphasize this next point enough. Model the behavior you want to see in your children.
Respect.
Grace.
Listening.
Love.
These aren’t just things we hope to receive from our children one day…they’re things we have the opportunity to model for them now.
The way you speak to your children—especially in moments of frustration—teaches them what respect looks like. When you choose calm over harshness, patience over reaction, you are showing them how to treat others… and how to treat you in return.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs coined this phrase in his book Love and Respect: “My response is my responsibility.”
Grace matters more than we realize. Your children will make mistakes—just like we do. When they experience forgiveness, understanding, and a willingness to try again, they learn that your relationship is a safe place. And that safety is what draws them back to you later in life.
Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Not correcting right away. Not rushing to fix. But truly hearing their heart. When children feel heard, they feel valued—and they carry that with them into adulthood.
And love… steady, consistent, unconditional love. Not based on performance, behavior, or achievement—but simply because they are yours.
The way you love them today becomes the blueprint for your relationship tomorrow.
So if you desire a relationship with your adult children that is marked by:
- respect
- openness
- connection
- trust
It begins here.
In the everyday moments.
In the tone of your voice.
In the posture of your heart.
Because what you model now…they will remember later 🤎
Looking Ahead
One day, the house will grow quieter. The schedules will change. Your role will shift.
And you’ll find yourself in a new season—loving them differently, but just as deeply.
The goal isn’t to hold on tightly…
It’s to build something strong enough that they choose to stay connected.
You can find more on doing the empty nest well in my post, Letting Go While Holding On: Staying Connected in the Empty Nest Season
A Gentle Encouragement
As a sweet reminder from my heart to yours:
- You don’t have to do this perfectly.
- You don’t have to get it all right.
But small, intentional choices—every single day—they matter more than you think.
Sweet mama, if your days feel full and overwhelming right now, I want to encourage you:
Nothing you are doing is wasted.
Every hug.
Every conversation.
Every moment you choose connection over frustration.
It’s all building something.
Something that will carry into the years ahead…into holidays, phone calls, visits, grandkids, and the joy of family.
Final Thought
Start with the end in mind. Not with pressure… but with purpose.
Because the relationship you hope to have with your adult children one day…is being built in your home today. 🤎
So much love and encouragement,
Kim ❤️
Kim Grant Home
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