A Good Friend: What Every Mom Needs
I truly can’t imagine doing life—especially motherhood—without friends.
Friendship is one of God’s sweetest gifts, and during the highs and lows of raising children, a good friend can be your lifeline. She’s the one who gets it, the one you can laugh, cry, pray, and vent with.
Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s also demanding—and walking it with a trusted friend makes all the difference.
Maybe the title of this post drew you in because your heart is craving that kind of connection. You’re longing for a “bestie” who gets you. Or maybe you’re reading this thinking, “I already have her, and I truly don’t know what I’d do without her.”
No matter where you are on your friendship journey, this post is for you. Whether you’re hoping to find that heart-connection with someone new or looking to nurture the friendships you already have, focusing on the qualities of a good friend can guide you toward deeper, more meaningful relationships.
As we take a closer look at the qualities of a good friend, I want to encourage you to turn the focus inward for a moment. The truth is, in order to find a good friend, you need to be one.
It can be easy to get distracted by thinking about the friend who’s been distant or hasn’t shown up in the way you’ve needed. We’ve all experienced that—and, if we’re honest, we’ve probably been that friend at times, too.
But for now, I encourage you to gently set those thoughts aside and use this time to reflect on your own heart and habits in friendship. Let’s dive in and explore what it truly means to be a good friend.
11 Qualities of a Good Friend
She is Kind
Kindness is one of the most essential—and sometimes overlooked—qualities in a good friend. It may sound simple, but in the busyness and complexity of life, kindness can easily be forgotten or pushed aside.
I love the reminder found in Ephesians 4:32:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
This verse beautifully sums up the heart posture we should strive for in our friendships.
Have you ever posted something on social media and later realized it unintentionally hurt someone you care about? I know I have 🙋♀️. It wasn’t done with malice, but the impact was still there. Social media moves fast, and it’s easy to forget the ripple effect our words can have—even when our intentions are good.
Kindness requires us to slow down and consider how our actions and words affect those around us. It shows up in the little things: a thoughtful message, a gentle response, a willingness to listen. In friendship, kindness builds trust, invites openness, and creates a safe space for connection and growth.
In the book Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out, Jim Burns refers to his grandmother as an A-W-E person. “A” is affectionate, “W” is warmth, and “E” is encouraging. A kind person is an A-W-E person.
When I first read about this A-W-E person I thought that is the kind of person I want to be. Let’s strive to be that person for our friends. Consider the quote below as it puts the A-W-E person into words.
“Only as we drink down the kindness of the heart of Jesus will we leave in our wake everywhere we go, the aroma of heaven.”
This is a quote from the book Gently and Lowly by Dane C Ortlund. Let’s be the ones who leave that aroma of heaven behind us.
She Is Honest, Authentic, and Vulnerable
A good friend is honest, genuine, and willing to be vulnerable. And let’s be real—those things take courage. Being open and letting someone see the real you, without knowing how they’ll respond, can feel incredibly risky. But deep, meaningful friendship requires that level of authenticity.
It also means being willing to acknowledge your flaws, own your mistakes, and admit that you’re still growing. There’s something deeply beautiful about sincere humility in a friendship. We’re all human—let’s not pretend otherwise.
And speaking of humility, let’s take a closer look at why it’s such a vital trait in a good friend.
She Is Humble
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
The dictionary defines humility as modesty, lacking pretense, and not believing you are superior to others. This definition matches up nicely with Philippians 2:3-4.
Acknowledging and owning your imperfections can actually be endearing—when it comes from a place of honesty and growth. Just be careful not to cross the line into self-sabotage or dwell in negative thoughts that aren’t grounded in truth.
Opening up to a friend about your failures and imperfections is not only therapeutic—it’s also a powerful act of vulnerability, honesty, and authenticity. We’re all works in progress, and sharing that truth builds deeper connection.
I asked Chat GPT this, “Why is it good to be humble?” It gave several answers but these two stuck out and were surprisingly spot on.
The first is “better relationships”. Humble people tend to be more empathetic and understanding, fostering stronger and more positive relationships.
The second is “reduced conflict”. Humble individuals are less likely to engage in conflicts or power struggles, promoting a more peaceful and cooperative environment.
Humility is foundational when it comes to a good friendship.
She Is Grace-Filled
A good friend is full of grace. God pours out His grace on us freely—Ephesians 2:8–9 reminds us, For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.
But what does it really mean to extend grace to a friend? It means choosing forgiveness, patience, and compassion—even when it’s hard. We all stumble. We all mess up. And just as Jesus graciously forgave us, He calls us to forgive others in return. That’s grace in action.
In my post, 7 Attributes of a Happy Peace-Filled Home (Part 2) you’ll find more on forgiveness. Learning to say I’m sorry is an important part of good relationships.
She is an Initiator
A good friend takes initiative. While some people are naturally wired this way, many of us aren’t—but the good news is, it’s a skill you can grow. If initiating isn’t your strong suit, I want to encourage you to stretch yourself and take that first step. Be brave!
The more you do it, the easier it becomes. When you meet someone you connect with and would like to know better, take the lead—invite them to meet up! Don’t just mention it casually; pull out your calendars and set a date. Real connection happens when we’re intentional.
If you’re someone who naturally takes the lead in friendships, there may be times when your feelings get hurt—I understand that firsthand. As an initiator myself, I have close friends who aren’t, and in the past, I used to let it get to me.
But over time, I’ve come to recognize their love and loyalty, even if they don’t always reach out first. I’ve chosen to embrace my role as the initiator, and I’ve never regretted it. Those friendships continue to bless me in so many other meaningful ways.
She is a Good Communicator
A good friend asks questions. My friend Sarah is the best at this! I’ve learned so much from her. Have you ever considered this to be the quality of a good friend?
Learn to ask thoughtful, meaningful questions that show genuine interest. Go beyond surface-level conversation—not in a nosy or intrusive way, but in a way that communicates you truly care about your friend and what’s going on in their life.
Ask about their family, especially their kids—because what mom doesn’t love talking about her children? Take the time to understand their heart and connect with them on a deeper level.
She Is a Good Listener
A good friend is a good listener. James 1:19 reminds us to be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Often, women don’t want solutions—they simply need to process out loud. A listening ear, compassion, and a simple “I hear you” can go a long way in deepening connection and showing love.
There are times when I resort to these three questions. They might be helpful as you seek to be a better listener.
- Do you need me to offer advice?
- Do you need me to do something to fix it?
- Do you need me to just listen?
Mostly, they need me to listen. Ironically, God in his infinite wisdom gave us two ears and one mouth.
Often when we’re talking with a friend, it’s easy to stop truly listening and start thinking about what we want to say next. But can I gently encourage you to pause, be fully present, and just listen?
As lovingly as I can say this—it’s not about offering your best advice. It’s about being there for your friend and hearing her heart.
She Will Rejoice With Her Friends
A good friend will rejoice with those who rejoice. She will celebrate and lift her friend up. Rejoice with your friends. Cheer them on! Be happy for them.
In Zephaniah 3:17 we see how God rejoices over us. The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
What if you took inspiration from what God did for you and rejoice over your friends with singing? Doesn’t that sound beautiful?
Romans 12: 15 tells us to Rejoice with those who rejoice!
Let me share what stops us from truly rejoicing with our friends. It’s called the scarcity mentality.
A scarcity mentality is a false mindset that if good things happen to someone else they can’t happen to me. This is one of the reasons it can be hard to genuinely celebrate our friends’ victories and successes.
We live in a big world with a big God with lots of good to go around! But jealousy and envy quickly seep in and get in our heads.
In order to counteract this scarcity mentality may I suggest you do the opposite. What if you wholeheartedly cheered your friend on, celebrated with her, and sincerely rejoiced?
A good friend will rejoice in your joy!
She is a Speaker of Truth
A good friend speaks the truth. I encourage you to build each other up with God’s Word and lovingly speak truth when it’s needed. While it can be challenging in today’s world, truth spoken with grace is powerful.
If a situation calls for honesty or correction, seek God’s wisdom first—and then share your heart with gentleness and care.
Galatians 5:22–23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Consider these qualities when confronting a friend. It has to come from a place of deep, unselfish love. It should be only for the benefit of your friend. That is your true motive behind the confrontation.
As a side note, sharing God’s Word with one another can help guard our hearts—and our conversations—against gossip. It’s difficult to speak truth and participate in gossip with the same mouth.
James 3:10 reminds us, Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
Gossip can be a relationship killer. Be diligent and careful to keep your conversations pure and God-honoring.
She is Confident
A good friend is confident. One of the best ways to be a good friend is to be confident in who you are in Christ and who God created you to be.
You are loved. You are redeemed. You are chosen. You are a child of the king. You are a royal priesthood. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. If we remember these promises, the insecurities that seep into our minds will diminish.
Philippians 1:6 says, …being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
God WILL complete a good work in you. He will refine you and through that refining, he will bless you. One of those blessings will be good friends to walk this life with.
She Loves
A good friend loves. Love your friends well.
Mark 12: 30-31 says it so clearly. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.
Do whatever you can to live at peace with your fellow man (or woman) Romans 12: 18 says, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Love covers a multitude of sins.“
First Peter 4:8 says, Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. As you are disappointed or have unmet expectations, remember that love covers a multitude of sins.“
In Conclusion
God designed us for community—we were never meant to walk through life alone. When you choose to be a good friend, you often find yourself surrounded by good friends in return.
Be kind, authentic, humble, full of grace. Be someone who takes initiative, listens well, communicates with care, celebrates others, speaks truth in love, and above all, loves deeply.
As I reflect on my journey through motherhood, I truly can’t imagine doing it without the faithful friends God placed in my life. They were His gift to help me along the way.
If this list feels a bit overwhelming, don’t worry—just start small. Choose a few qualities to focus on and grow in those areas. You might be surprised by the impact.
I’ll end with this, Ecclesiastes 4:9~10
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”.
Wishing you beautiful friendships 💗
Much Love~Kim
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