Unconditional Love: What Every Child Needs From Mom
In my previous post, What Every Child Needs From Mom, I shared a list of 12 foundational needs every child has—at the very top of that list is unconditional love. In this post, we’re going to take a closer, more intentional look at what that truly means.
As we explore this essential part of motherhood, my goal is to offer you practical, grace-filled guidance to help you feel more confident in your parenting journey. When we know what we’re aiming for, we’re far more likely to hit the mark—and I believe that understanding and practicing unconditional love is one of the most powerful targets we can aim for as moms.
In my post What Every Child Needs From Mom, I set the target. In this post, I want to help you hit it. Being a mom is the most important job you will ever hold. You have been given a gift of a human life to raise. You are responsible for a generation that will likely go on to have children who will then raise a future generation.
Your work TODAY can change the world. By raising good humans who love God you can be an integral part of the change.
As you look to be intentional in your motherhood, first, be sure to check out my post Intentional Motherhood: How Every Mom Can Impact Her Family. This is a beginner’s guide to being an intentional mom.
When I say meet their needs, I am not referring to their physical needs, but their emotional needs. By providing your child with unconditional love you can meet one of these emotional needs. This will in turn help them to become well-adjusted, happy children who then become good humans who love God.
What is a Good Mom?
First, why do you want to be a good mom?
Would it be okay if you considered yourself “a pretty good” mom? Would that be enough for you?
What about the accolade of the “Best Mom Ever”? Is that what you are longing to achieve?
Or maybe you are in survival mode and you are feeling like I just want my kid to not resent me.
Will your child be that person giving a speech one day saying, I owe it all to my mom?
Will he/she post on social media about how wonderful you are on your birthday or Mother’s Day?
What about the thought of you being your child’s best friend?
A Best Friend
I hear moms say all the time, “I want to be my child’s best friend”. If and when that occurs, that will be years and years away. It will be when they are adults.
I firmly believe being your child’s best friend in their childhood is NOT a good thing. Your child does NOT need a best friend in you. He or she needs you to be their mom. Being your child’s best friend should not be your goal. Being a mom that your child needs is so much more valuable.
You are their ONLY mom. I implore you to focus solely on being their mom and raising them.
Your Why
Why is being a good mom important to you?
Is it important because of what others think?
Are you concerned about what you look like in the community around you?
I would go further and ask this, is it about you or is it about them?
What if you’ve got one child who makes you feel like a million bucks? But, you have another child who makes you feel like the worst mom in the world?
What we learn quickly as moms is that what works for one child may not always work for another.
I’m going to assume that you are reading this because you love your children with a deep unending love, and your sole desire is to be the best mom you can so that they turn out to be a good human who loves God.
As we journey through motherhood, there is so much that is completely and utterly out of our control. For a control freak like me, this is hard.
That being said, there are things you can control. In this post, we will focus solely on unconditional love and meeting that need.
Unconditional Love
Every child needs their mama’s love to be unconditional. To love unconditionally is to love without conditions. In other words, your child need not do anything to earn your love.
I liken it to our relationship with God in Jesus. We are required to do NOTHING to earn our relationship with God. God did it for us by sending His son to die on the cross for us. All we have to do is believe.
Giving your child unconditional love may seem like I’m stating the obvious. You might be thinking, yes, of course, that is what every child needs and, of course, I love my child unconditionally.
However, this may not always be as easy as it sounds. The fact is only God can offer complete and perfect unconditional love.
God Sets The Example
But, like God, who sets the greatest example of unconditional love for you, you must show your child, to the best of your ability, a similar kind of love.
Perfect Love
In 1 Corinthians we find a perfect description of love.
This is perfect love—the kind only God can give in its fullness. But as moms, we can pursue this kind of love with His help. We are all a work in progress, and by walking closely with Him, we grow in our ability to love more like He does.
While this post focuses on what your child needs, it’s equally about how you can rise to meet those needs.
Becoming the mom your child needs starts with your relationship with God. As you draw closer to Him and reflect His character, you’ll be equipped to love, guide, and nurture your children in the way they need most.
It’s Not Easy
Giving unconditional love to your infant can seem easy in those first few months of life. They are so helpless and need you for everything. Sure, they keep you from sleeping but their sweet smell and cute stretches are irresistible.
However, as your child grows and their sinful nature starts to rear its ugly head, loving unconditionally becomes a tad bit more difficult.
Showing Your Child God’s Character
Here comes the hard part. You must now become God in the flesh who models for them God’s character. Despite our sins, Jesus loves us and died for us. There were no conditions to his gift to us.
Modeling God’s character to your child is the way they first come to learn of God’s character and who He truly is.
Your child will learn about unconditional love from you first.
I acknowledge that this is a huge responsibility, but fear not, I believe in you and I am confident that you can do it!
However, I will warn you, it is challenging or even impossible to do without the help of the Holy Spirit.
When Jesus left this earth, God gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit who would be our helper. In this life, we need to daily tap into the Holy Spirit’s power in us.
John 14:16 & 17 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.
Your Reaction Matters
What does unconditional love for your children look like?
There will be moments in your motherhood journey when you will need to lay aside your emotions and hurt feelings. We are sinful beings and I am certain that God is disappointed in us at times, but He leaves his emotions out of it.
God loves us unconditionally despite how we disappoint him. He is gentle and gracious with us.
Let’s look at a scenario that might help to clarify my point. One of your children does something that makes you so mad. Maybe they break something that has a lot of meaning to you.
They weren’t supposed to touch it or perhaps they were throwing a ball in the house or wrestling and it accidentally was broken (speaking from experience). It was not done on purpose but it was still broken.
This happened to me when I was a little girl. I think I was about 6 years of age. At the time, my mom’s hobby was ceramics (this was a thing in the 70’s). We had this ledge around our family room and she had placed all of her ceramics on display.
I can’t remember how it happened but I accidentally broke one of her favorite pieces. My mom got very upset with me. I was devastated and felt awful for what I had done despite the fact that it was an accident.
Now before you think I am coming down too hard on my mom, I fully understand her reaction and have even experienced it with my own children. She was upset and let her temper get the best of her. We’ve all done it.
I don’t hold this against my mom, but this memory is one that remains with me today. This past weekend I was brought back to that moment.
I was at my son’s home and his 2-year-old daughter, within a microsecond, went to move a full cup of coffee and spilled it on their new carpet.
It’s one of those moments you see happening but you can’t stop. I know you’ve all been there.
I was so very proud of my son in that moment. He never lost his temper. You could see he was sad and frustrated with himself, but he never raised his voice or yelled at his daughter.
That’s a typical toddler mishap. What about when you have a teenager?
Teenagers are lovely people. I know this is contrary to popular belief, but we enjoyed our teens very much. However, they do stupid things sometimes. They make poor decisions. Perhaps they do something you never thought they would do. Almost every teenager has a moment where they make at least one mistake.
As their mom, you pray that it is not a mistake that is life-altering for them or someone else. This might be devastating for you and you might be shocked. You could even be embarrassed by it.
You will get upset with your child. However, unconditional love shows them you are there for them no matter what. This is exactly what God does for you when you mess up.
You can voice your disappointment, hand out consequences, and even go quiet for a bit, but the fact is this is where unconditional love kicks in. It is hard in these moments to have that unconditional love.
Your teen needs your love now more than ever. You will have to dig deep to be there for them and pray that they learned an important lesson. You walk them through it and help them navigate it.
Your Response Is Your Responsibility
You are the parent and it is important that you maintain your cool. This is unconditional love despite circumstances. I’m not saying anger is bad, but what I am saying is “Your response is your responsibility.” A quote I love by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs who wrote Love And Respect.
How you handle your anger, especially with your children, is extremely important and will give them a glimpse into who God is and his unconditional love for them.
In Conclusion
When children receive unconditional love from their mom, it gives them a sense of security. It builds trust in their hearts. Your child will bond with you by being able to trust you. In turn, by learning to trust you, they are then able to trust God.
By building trust with your child, you are building a foundation for your future relationship with them. Remember, you are your child’s first glimpse into who God is and what his character is like.
Giving your child unconditional love is an important first step in our series, What Every Child Needs From Mom. In the next installment, we will cover respect.
If this post impacted you, be sure to check out the next post in this series: What Every Child Needs From Mom: Respect
Much Love,
Kim 💗
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