What Every Child Needs From Mom: Respect
Respect
What if I told you that one of the most powerful ways to build trust, connection, and lifelong influence with your child is through respect?
In my post 12 Things Every Child Needs From Mom, I touched on this idea—but today, we’re going deeper. This post is all about why respect matters, how it impacts your relationship, and simple, meaningful ways to show respect to your child—whether they’re toddlers or in their twenties.
No matter what season of motherhood you’re in, this message is for you. 💛 Let’s dig in!
When it comes to the parent-child relationship, we usually come at it from the perspective of children respecting/obeying/honoring their parents. You can find more on teaching your children to respect you on my post The Importance of Teaching Respect at Home.
For this post, let’s focus on what your child needs from you. Here you will find ways that you can show them respect in your home and throughout your day.
Allow Your Child a Voice
One way to show respect is to allow them a voice. We are tempted at times to not allow our children to respond to us. Whether that is out of anger, frustration, or impatience, that is easy to do.
However, it is important that you allow your child to respond when spoken to if appropriate. Listen to what they say, ask questions to understand better, and then proceed with what seems right.
Often times children don’t feel heard. This starts young. Make sure they feel heard. This will help in the process of gaining their respect. You can start by, “I hear what you are saying…” You can then repeat what they’ve said and then address it.
Explain The Reason Why
Another way to show respect is to make a regular practice of explaining the reasoning behind your expectations and boundaries. This can begin at an early age.
By explaining the reason why, your children will begin to internalize why they should listen to you and respect you. Don’t we all want to know why?
God gives us clear direction in his word. He explains to us the reason why he asks certain behaviors of us. He sets the example.
Children will respond with appropriate behavior if they understand the reason behind your expectations of their behavior.
Examples of Explaining The Reason Why:
Example 1
“You aren’t allowed to yell at mommy because God says to honor your mother and father.” “Yelling at mommy isn’t respectful.”
“What you can do is talk to Mommy about anything.”
Exodus 20:12: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Ephesians 6:1-4: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth“
Example 2
You can’t hit your brother or sister because God says “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Example 3
“You can’t leave your things all over the house. Because it is disrespectful to mommy and causes her more work.” “It is disrespectful to their siblings because it is dangerous and someone can trip and fall.”
Example 4
You can’t stay out past a certain time because it is disrespectful to Mom and Dad who need sleep.
“You can’t stay out late because there is nothing that happens after curfew that can’t be done before.”
“You can’t stay out late because good sleep is healthy and needed, especially for teenagers.”
There are exceptions to the rule at times. For example, there could be a special youth event or prom. However, these events have a purpose and don’t happen that often.
Because I told You So
There is an old-school way of thinking where parents used to say, “Because I told you so”. This response is rarely a good answer.
There are times when children can be unreasonable and no matter what you say they will not listen. You may feel tempted to say these words at that moment.
As moms, it can be easier to leave the explaining out of our parenting to avoid conflict. As well as, the fact that it takes extra time. It can be exhausting especially if you’ve had a long day. You may not have it in you.
However, it is important to note, that this is time well spent. Explaining the reason why is vital and a large part of gaining your child’s respect. Once you’ve established a good pattern of explaining the reason why you will find less and less conflict in your home.
Respect Their Privacy
Another way to show respect is to respect their privacy, especially when it comes to when and how you discipline them.
If discipline needs to be enacted, remove them to a private location and discipline them in private (even if it is just siblings around).
This will avoid any possibility of embarrassment, which by the way, should never, ever be your intention, mama.
Respecting their privacy also comes into play when you share things about them that perhaps they don’t want you to share.
Recently, I had a conversation with one of my adult children because they heard me tell someone about something personal about them.
It wasn’t intentional by any means, and we had never talked about keeping it private before, but I had unintentionally neglected the importance of my child’s privacy.
Thankfully, this child was very gracious with me and came to me respectfully and asked me not to share it.
I am still learning and growing even as a parent of adult children.
Keep Your Child’s Confidence
You can show them respect by keeping their confidence. Your child at times will share something private with you. Showing them that they can trust you will go a very long way in your relationship.
It will also allow them to share more in confidence with you because they trust you will keep it to yourselves. Don’t share their secrets with your friends. It is between you and them. If your child asks you to keep what they say in confidence make sure you honor that.
Give Your Child Your Full Attention
You can show them respect by giving them your full attention. It’s very easy for moms to get distracted. But trust me when I say, your kids can read you like a book. They know when you are not paying attention to them.
Phones are the number one distraction right now in motherhood. Put your phone away if possible when you are interacting with your children. If you are looking for a great podcast on this subject, check out this one: Our Greatest Distraction and Temptation
I will be the first to say that I love my Apple watch. I know many mamas out there have them. That being said, they can be a huge distraction in your time with your children. And while you don’t always pull your arm up to look at your watch with your children, your mind can easily become fixated on that message that is waiting for you.
I’m not saying get rid of the watch. I’m saying just to be mindful of the pull it has on you.
I know this because I’ve done it and still do at times. Your kids will sense when you are not fully checked in. Mine always could and still do! They will be quick to call me to the carpet on it.
I can be distracted not only because of my watch but also because my mind is on so many things. Try to stay focused on what your children are saying and don’t tune them out. Ask your children to call you out (respectfully) when they notice it.
Acknowledge & Validate Your Child’s Feelings
Lastly, you can show respect by acknowledging and validating their feelings and emotions.
Do not brush them off. There was a philosophy back in the day that if you don’t acknowledge it, it will go away or they will more quickly forget about it.
There are circumstances when this is a valid reaction and you know your child best. However, they may internalize that as you don’t care. Be careful with this one. There is a fine line to tread.
IMPORTANT WARNING: This does NOT mean that you give into unwarranted and overly dramatic actions or emotions, but with wisdom and understanding listen to their feelings.
Allow them their emotions and let them know that emotions are good. Train them on how to handle those emotions and gently redirect them when possible.
We have become a society that overreacts to our children’s “feelings”. They are learning how to deal with feelings and emotions and need wise counsel on how to navigate those feelings.
This occurs specifically during puberty. Their emotions and feelings can be all over the place.
The best thing you can do for them is to love them and point them in the direction of God and who he created them to be.
Every middle schooler at one point or another has an identity crisis. This is where we point them to Jesus and tell them their identity is in Him.
I found this list and I loved it. This writer gives a list of verses that tell us who we are in Christ.
https://www.christianlifecoaching.co.uk/who-you-are-in-Christ.html
What Every Child Needs From Mom Conclusion
When your children receive respect from you, they are less likely to engage in power struggles.
This is important when they are littles, tweens, teens, and even adult children!! No matter where you are in your motherhood journey, your child needs your respect.
Fewer power struggles make for a more peace-filled home. Showing them respect will help them to be less insecure, have less anxiety, and be more confident.
Giving your child respect can make your motherhood journey much more enjoyable for both you and your child.
For more on a peace-filled home, check out my posts:
7 Attributes of a Happy Peace-Filled Home (Part 1)
7 Attributes of a Happy Peace-Filled Home (Part 2)
7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-filled Home (Part 3)
Much Love and Respect,
Kim 💗
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