7 Attributes of a Happy Peace-Filled Home (Part 1)
Let me begin by sharing a story about one of our children that will lead us to our topic for today, 7 attributes of a happy peace-filled home. My hope is this story will drive home a point I am trying to make better than just saying it.
This post is a three-part series. Part 1 will cover three of the attributes of a happy peace-filled home. See Part 2 and 3:
7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-Filled Home (Part 2)
7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-filled Home (Part 3)
A Story From The Past
Our oldest son played soccer for most of his childhood. When he was 10 or 11 he was on a team where his coach’s son was on the team as well. This young man, I’ll call him John, was mean to his teammates and especially to our son.
This young man had a reputation for yelling at his mom while she sat on the sidelines. Although she wasn’t exactly innocent because she was cheering him on in one breath and yelling at him to do better in another. Finally, it was very apparent that he had no respect for his dad who was the coach.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t an every-once-in-a-while occurrence but frequent. Quite honestly, my heart hurt for this family and it was painful to witness at times. As you can imagine, it was not an ideal situation for any team and it was our first real experience with soccer sideline drama.
One day after particularly awful behavior by John something profound happened that I will never forget. As we walked to our car our son was frustrated and upset and said the following words, “I know why John is the way that he is.”
Hmmm… I could hardly wait to hear his answer. Remember he was 10 or 11 years old at the time. He proceeded to say these very wise words, “John acts that way because there are no consequences for his actions.” 😱
Parenting Win!
That right there was a parenting win if ever we had one and I felt like doing a happy dance right in the parking lot. Not only did our son recognize that this boy’s behavior was unacceptable, but he understood and was able to verbalize why it continued to be poor.
Part of my heart hurt for that boy. Don’t get me wrong, he infuriated me most days and I wanted to put him in his place. That being said, my heart hurt because I understood what my son couldn’t fully comprehend. John’s poor behavior was in large part due to his parents never holding him accountable or enacting consequences for his bad behavior.
I am fairly certain this family’s life at home was not much different than their life on the soccer field. Unfortunately, I can imagine it was not a very happy home.
My purpose in this post is to give you some attributes to strive for in your home so that it can, for the most part, be characterized as happy and peace-filled. It won’t always be easy and no home can ever be completely happy and peace-filled…I mean we are all sinful human beings…but my prayer is these 7 attributes can bring you much closer to that goal.
So let’s get to it!
A Happy & Peace-Filled Home Has Love
Teach your children to love in this order of importance.
- First~Love God.
- Second~Love others.
- Third~Love themselves.
Let’s look at the first one, love God.
Teach Your Children About God
Share with your children stories from the Bible that show who God is. Teach them that God is love and because he first loved us we love him. Teach about his attributes of kindness, gentleness, grace, mercy, omnipotence, forgiveness, and on and on.
God sets the greatest example of what love is by sending his son Jesus to die for our sins. As their mama, lead by example. Show them unconditional love, grace, and mercy as God so graciously gives you.
Teach Them to Love Others
I am going to say something that might shock you. The world does not revolve around your child. Say whaaattt? You might be wondering, what exactly I mean by that.
We have become a society where our children are the center of our universe. As a whole, we have become child-centered families. It’s all about me is what children are being taught and it will eventually be what they come to believe.
As you and I can attest to, as they grow and reach adulthood this will no longer be the case. They will be one in 330 million people in the United States alone. They will likely become disillusioned and disappointed that life isn’t about them. This will bring them struggles as they move to adulthood.
Child-centered parenting fosters an entitlement mentality in children who then turn into entitled adults.
Making your child the center of your universe is the opposite of what God says in his word.
It is so much more beneficial to teach them that you are a Christ-centered, other’s centered family and NOT a child-centered family. Teach these verses to your children. It will serve them well and will benefit your family and foster a happy & peace-filled home.
Teach them God sees them as beautiful and wonderful and he values them
This and only this is the reason they can love themselves. Teach them they are fearfully and wonderfully made. Share with them Psalm 139.
This is where your children will find lasting worth. Our true worth only comes from God. When a child knows they are loved by God and valued by Him as his Word says, this helps them to be more confident in who they are.
A Happy & Peace-Filled Home Has Respect
Respect. Respect. Respect. I cannot stress this principle enough. Deuteronomy 5:16 says this, “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
- Teach your children to respect you as their parents first.
- Teach them to speak to you with respect always. Asking your child for a response when you speak to them, like “Yes Mom” or “yes Dad”, can really help when it comes to knowing they heard you. Acknowledging you with a simple response when spoken to is a sign of respect. Please hear me when I say, you will be the one who teaches them respect. Respect starts with you. If they learn to respect you then eventually it will be easier for them to respect God and any authority in their life.
- Teach them respect for authority. Teachers, policemen, doctors, etc.
- Teach them the “Try that again” rule. It’s an opportunity for a do-over when they speak without respect.
- Teach them respect by giving them respect. That old adage is so true, lessons are better caught than taught much of the time. Living by example goes a long way.
- Teach them to look into a person’s eyes when speaking to them. This starts young. Your toddler can learn to do this and so can your teenagers.
- Teach them manners-please and thank you. This is a way to teach them not only respect but gratitude which will also serve them very well.
- Teach them the Interrupt Rule. When our children were young we learned the Interrupt Rule. I want to teach it to you if you haven’t heard of it.
The Interrupt Rule
Teach them that when you are speaking to someone there is a way to interrupt that will show respect to everyone involved. Have them place their hand on your arm quietly. When you feel their hand, place your other hand over the top of it. Wait for a pause in the conversation and excuse yourself while you respond to your child.
This works beautifully. Teach your children that interrupting mommy when she is talking is rude and disrespectful to the person you are speaking to. Try it! I’d love to hear how it goes!
A Happy & Peace-Filled Home Has Boundaries
It is extremely important that your children know the boundaries you have put in place for them. I cannot stress this enough. Children THRIVE and EXCEL when given boundaries. Boundaries make children feel safe.
What do I mean by boundaries? These are created rules and routines in your home. Rules like no hitting, no name calling, no lying, and no saying hate were our family’s four non-negotiables. Have rules and routines involving bedtime, meal time, screen time, playtime, friends, homework, etc.
Establishing rules and routines are important attributes of a happy peace-filled home. Have high expectations for your children. They can do it! And so can you! Honestly, sometimes it is more difficult for Mom to hold them accountable than it is for a child to abide by the rules.
A child’s natural inclination is to push the boundaries to see how much they can get away with. Your boundaries must be clear. Mom and Dad must hold the line and keep a child accountable.
Children must understand they can’t always get what they want. On a side note, knowing they have boundaries and can’t always get their way teaches them patience as well.
As they grow, boundaries will be extended and the guard rails will slowly come down. Therefore, when they do get extended boundaries they will appreciate them and experience the joy of the earned freedom all the more.
It is important to note that with maturity comes more responsibility. So as they grow and mature let the guard rails down slowly and see how they respond. When they can handle that extra space you have given them lower the guard rails a little more. Your children will appreciate their newfound freedom more because they earned it and had to wait for it.
We live in a world that has rules and boundaries. We have police and government and we must have these things so that there is peace and order in our society. Our homes are the best place to teach them how to obey rules and live within boundaries.
The consequences of boundaries pushed when they are young are a lot less significant and less life-changing than when they break the rules of society as they become adults.
Remember this ⬇️
Unclear rules and sporadic reinforcement breed insecurity in children
And don’t forget, children thrive on boundaries. What happens when they push the boundaries and don’t obey the rules? Stay tuned for more attributes next week to find out the answer!
The reason I broke this into a three-part series, is because it is a lot and I want you to focus on these two attributes for a bit. I want to challenge you to evaluate these attributes and discern whether or not you would benefit from putting some of this into practice in your own home.
In conclusion, I want to note that I say peace-filled, not peaceful. There is a difference. I have four children; three boys and a girl. Our home was not peaceful. It was loud. There was wrestling and playing and commotion all the time. Boys make noise! If you have boys this is normal! Girls squeal and giggle and get silly. Quiet in our home was found in the middle of the day when they were at school or at night when they were in bed.
Final Thoughts for Attributes of a Happy Peace-Filled Home
Peace-filled is a sense of calmness in your heart, a sense of purpose, and confidence in a plan you have put into place. See my post How to Set The Foundation for a Loving Home to gain more insight into making a plan for your family.
Even when your plan doesn’t always look like you wanted, peace-filled comes from knowing you are doing your best, working hard, and seeing small successes and victories along the way. It is trusting God where you fail as a mom and accepting his grace.
And finally, it is a mindset of never giving up on the greatest job you will ever have~raising a good, respect-filled, God-loving, people-loving adult who makes the world a better place.
Remember John from the beginning of this post, while this was not a fun experience for my child or for me as his mom, the lessons my son and I were able to glean from him and his family were great.
I want to encourage you to use some of these attributes in your home. I do believe with all my heart that having some of these attributes will help you to create a happy and peace-filled home. And in so doing will help you create a home where your family feels loved and loves to be, now, and for years to come.
Much Love and Prayers, ~Kim💗
LINKED POSTS:
7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-Filled Home (Part 2)
