7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-filled Home (Part 3)
You have done it! You have reached the final post of the series, 7 Attributes of a Happy and Peace-filled Home. Let’s review the first five before we get to the last two. We have learned the attributes of love, respect, boundaries, discipline, and forgiveness. If you haven’t read Part 1 & 2 you can find them here:
7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-filled Home (Part 3)
7 Attributes of a Happy Peace-Filled Home (Part 2)
Part 3 involves two somewhat lighter topics and ends our series on a more upbeat note. Come along with me as we discover the final two attributes of a happy & peace-filled home.
A Happy & Peace-Filled Home has Words of Affirmation
Speaking words of affirmation can absolutely change the tone in your home, and even more importantly, can change the attitude and behavior of your child. I cannot encourage this enough…speak words of affirmation to your children and over your children daily, if possible.
Words You Can Say
- I’m so proud of you
- You can do this.
- You did it! You must be very proud of yourself.
- Thank you for helping your sister/brother.
- I noticed you obeyed the first time.
- I’m so thankful God gave you to me.
- I love your persistence.
- You are being a good friend today.
- I like how kind you are to others.
Words like this can really light up your child and will encourage them to want to repeat good behaviors. Speak life into your children. It really can make a difference. If your child hears you acknowledge their good behavior they will want to do it again. They will want to hear that praise again. Work hard to speak affirmation over them more than negativity.
Avoid False Praise
I want to caution you not to give false praise but only that which is true. Children are smart and they know when you are not being honest. There are days when that true praise is hard to find with some children but you can find even the littlest encouragement to affirm your child.
Give Praise Daily
Build up your children on a daily basis. Find the good!! Offer praise and even reward sometimes when good behavior happens. I am not big on bribes so this is definitely not a bribe but a reward.
In other words, if you notice a behavior that deserves praise and maybe something your child has been working on, give them a reward. The reward could be something like a game or an ice cream date with Mom or Dad. It is not a daily or weekly event but it is a consistent practice.
Get Creative
I suggest purchasing a special plate that you only use when your child deserves a reward and some notability for an evening. It will be their dinner plate for that night. This plate could also be used to celebrate special days in the lives of your children as well.
You can pull it out for a birthday or for a celebration of an award your child receives. Make this practice a regular occurrence and something special that your child desires. Make it a thing! And make it a BIG deal.
Start Young
This attribute involving words of affirmation can have a huge impact on your child and, consequently, your family. Start young and continue through their teenage years. The rewards may need to change but the result remains the same. Every child no matter what their age thrives on the praise of their parents.
An Important Reminder
As a side note, remind your children that whether their behavior is good or bad or whether mom or dad saw it, God sees all and is always watching them. He sees their good AND bad behavior.
It is so important for our children to understand God’s omnipresence (He is everywhere) and omniscience (He is all-knowing) but also His love and grace for them.
Your children should ultimately want to please God and honor His word and strive to be more like Christ with their behavior. It is important to emphasize that their behavior does not earn them God’s love but that they behave well and do good because of God’s love for them.
A Happy & Peace-Filled Home has Laughter
Onto our next attribute and one I definitely could have been better at. I am by nature a positive person and so we did smile a lot and have fun, but sometimes I needed to laugh a little more. I am also extremely task-oriented and so merging those things together was a challenge for me.
Our last attribute; last but certainly not least, is laughter! Let laughter live in your home. Play games, crack jokes, be silly, and laugh at yourself when you do something silly. I would even suggest laughing when you really feel like crying.
Teach Your Children to Laugh at Themselves
It is so so so important to teach your children to laugh at themselves. You can do this by teaching them to laugh at themselves, but something that packs an even bigger punch is your very own ability to laugh at yourself.
Many years ago when my kids were young my husband invited missionaries from Nepal to our home for lunch. I didn’t have a lot of notice, a few short hours actually. As I prepared for our special guests, so many things went wrong in those few short hours.
This could have been one of those moments when there was no laughter and I became Momzilla. Sometimes during our preparation for guests, my stress level rose to an unpleasant level. The drill sergeant in me surfaced and sweet Kim subsequently disappeared.
Here is a brief synopsis of our morning that day:
- Take 4 kids to the store to get the food while one of them only wanted to be out of the cart and cried the entire time we were at the store.
- Unpack the car and put away food (while putting away the food one of my sons dropped a can of soda out of the fridge and it punctured and began to spin uncontrollably spraying soda all over our kitchen and even into our dining room).
- Make iced tea for our guests. As I was removing the pitcher from the microwave it slipped spilling iced tea all over me and the kitchen and even reaching the ceiling.
But by God’s grace, what I remember most about the morning was the laughter that ensued in the midst of chaos and disaster. At one point every one of my children’s eyes was on me waiting for my reaction (this was after the soda can incident). You could have cut the tension with a knife.
I will be forever grateful for my response at that moment. I was under a deadline and felt the stress of guests arriving soon. To be completely forthright, it wouldn’t have been unusual for me to get tense and get snippy with my children at that moment.
But laughter won that day and I am so glad it did. We all laughed and five minutes later when our guests arrived I excused myself (after sharing our mishaps) and went and changed out of my wet clothes.
Allow Silliness
Lastly, to go along with the attribute of laughter, let your children be silly and have fun. Don’t stifle silliness in your home. This is especially directed towards your daughters. Silliness and girls go together. Have fun with this if at all possible. In fact, join in the silliness and be silly right along with them. Your children will remember with fondness those moments of silliness.
Conclusion of the Series 7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-filled Home
This parenting gig is HARD!! It is not for the faint of heart. You are exhausted at the end of every day. “The days are long but the years are short.” No truer statement has ever been said.
But being a mama is absolutely the most important job of your life. You are raising a future generation of humans. And in our current world, boy, do we need good parents who raise good humans. Keep on keepin’ on mama!
As you consider implementing these 7 attributes from this series, walking the talk, living by example, and modeling behavior for your children is where I would encourage you to begin. This can definitely have the most impact. But don’t forget when you mess up, ask forgiveness and laugh at yourself!
His Mercies are New Every Morning
Maybe you are reading this today and in your current life, you are feeling discouraged and defeated at the end of every day. Take courage! You can make changes and make a difference in your home mama. It’s never too late. Start today. Start with only one attribute if that is all you can handle.
I have messed up so many times over the years. You will mess up. But can I share with you one of my favorite verses from the Bible?
There were many nights I went to bed feeling like the worst mom in the world and I’m guessing you’ve had those nights as well. But the promise of this verse and the light of a new day has always encouraged me and continues to encourage me today. I will fail but God never will.
Take it from someone who knows, your kids will not remember a lot of the not-so-good. Remember what we learned about consequences and how we determine them depending on if this is what your kids are characterized by?
You might lose it every once in a while but is that what you are characterized by? If the answer is yes you are characterized by losing it, then work on it and make some changes, but if the answer is no then give yourself grace because your kids love you and they are generous with their grace.
Loving your family well is hard! Have I said that enough? I understand it is so hard. I’ve lived it. It is digging down deep, GET ON YOUR KNEES, never-ending, working tirelessly, sometimes thankless job, but it is so worth it in the end.
Our four children reside in four different states; Collinsville, IL., Cincinnati, OH, Chalfont, PA, and Lynchburg, VA, and because of that our time together is precious. This year we have them for Christmas and I can hardly wait. Last year we had them for Thanksgiving and we were all together in our home for a week.
As you can imagine, it was a week that brought me so much joy. Why? Because our kids couldn’t wait to get here, they couldn’t wait to be together, and we had so much fun together. This is what you have to look forward to when you put in the work now.
During that Thanksgiving week, familiar scents were lofting throughout our home from the moment they arrived until they left. Check out my post How to Awaken Your Child’s Senses at Home. We ate their favorite meals together at our dining room table for dinner and we made big breakfasts every morning as everyone camped out at the island. Games were played and we watched soccer and football…because that is what we do in our house.
We sat by the fire on our deck. And other than one competitive card game where our firstborn was a bit too competitive, we had very little conflict despite the close living quarters. There were 13 of us in our home for a week with two infants and an almost 2-year-old. We not only survived but we thrived.
Remember that family from Part 1 in the series? See the story here if you haven’t yet read Part 1: 7 Attributes of a Happy & Peace-Filled Home (Part 1). I have no doubt their home was not filled with laughter and affirmation. My ultimate goal is to help you avoid the turmoil they experienced in their home and family.
I sincerely pray these attributes will help you achieve a happy and peace-filled home. And remember, your home won’t feel happy and peace-filled every single day. You will have days of unrest and unhappiness for sure, but the goal is to have a home that is characterized by being happy and peace-filled.
The ultimate goal is to create a home where your family feels loved and loves to be, now, and for years to come. Consider, if you will, making your home a place where love and respect are taught, where boundaries and rules are provided, where forgiveness is modeled and taught, where discipline and consequences are a real thing, where honest affirmation abounds, and where laughter lives.
Well, there you have it! This series has come to a conclusion. I pray it has encouraged you as you seek to love your family well and create a happy and peace-filled home.
Much love~Kim💗
LINKED POSTS:
Attributes of a Happy & Peace-Filled Home (Part 1)
